Being An A**hole as a Man is Easy

Walter Mwasi Williams III
7 min readFeb 28, 2022

It is exceedingly easy to act like an asshole as a man.

“Well, Bravo, grease lighting.” I can imagine many readers, who aren’t Hetero, Cis, and Male, sarcastically congratulating me, all with the added burn of a slow clap. “You’ve crossed the finish line”.

A more than fair criticism.

So, for some this is obviously preaching to an exhausted choir. But for others this may be new information. This an attempt to explain my opinion, as based on a combination of experiences, things I witnessed, learned, and am still learning as a man. This is not an academic paper. So, it won’t be filled with tons of academic jargon. Also, I’ll use one or two quotes at most.

The thing is, I wasn’t always aware of what I know now, and my hope is for someone to read this — specifically other Hetero, Cis, Men — and also learn something.

BUT let’s just very quickly get a few things out of the way.

1. A discussion about forms of toxic masculinity is not condemning manhood, masculinity, or men. If you noticed there is a literal qualifier in the word “toxic”. This is often a dishonest tactic meant to discredit the speaker in order to invalidate everything they are saying. If the entire conversation about toxic masculinity is invalidated, then men never have to examine their own behavior. This piece is condemning the all too normal practice of behaving like an asshole while calling it “masculine”.

2. “You just hate men” That is a weird conclusion to jump to. Why do you want and need to believe that?

3. No. I do not want to discuss Toxic Femininity. As a man, this is the thing I want to discuss. There are many brilliant, female authors, on this very site, writing about the nuances, intersectionality, and complexities surrounding this topic. If you are curious then I sincerely encourage you go in good faith and read some of their work. However, if you are just going act like a complaining, entitled, belligerent asshole in their comments, then I suggest instead finding a space that will welcome you with open arms. God knows, there is no shortage of subreddits, forums, podcasts, and FB groups, all dedicated to men who feel deeply aggrieved by the audacity of not consistently catering to them.